week 3. teaching. living. learning.

Week 3 in Korea!!! I’ve now been here for about two and a half weeks. It is starting to feel a bit more permanent here, but still kind of dream-like. I don’t think I’ve fully accepted that this is my new home. I think part of what makes it hard is that I started “normal life” (working a full time job, living in an apartment, buying groceries) so quickly, but still feel really disconnected in many ways. I don’t really have a community here yet…and I’m missing my people back home!! The language barrier is quite difficult as well. Its hard even going to a restaurant by myself…what on earth do I order? I rule out places that don’t have pictures! I have met people, made some friends (Korean and American), but still mostly feel that I’m on my own here. During the week, I don’t see too many people other than my coworkers and students. The quite time has been nice in some ways. I’ve done a lot of reading. Read Princess Bride and Left to Tell and am reading Radical Reformission. I’ve also been praying a lot and have had time to think about things that were easier to shove aside when life was fuller with friendships, events, socializing, and school. When life was more comfortable, some of the harder, deeper things in my life were easier to ignore. Things like doubts, convictions, questions, things I don’t understand, dreams, hopes…etc. And I’m thankful for time to meditate. To question. To work out my faith with fear and trembling.

There are days, like thursday, where teaching is hard. Ugh. And frustrating. Sometimes it’s the kids. They are a handful…and drive me nuts (not always…they are really cute and wonderful and great plenty of the time)! But other times its me. I feel that I have so much to learn as a teacher. Still figuring out how to teach well. Its so frustrating and discouraging when the kids seem bored/unenthused/bouncing off the walls/totally disengaged (you get the picture). I just wanna make sure that I’m doing the best I can to make class interesting. One of my worst fears is being boring. I remember what it was like to have boring teachers! So I’m trying really hard to explain the material, teach it well, and do it in a way that is engaging. And even fun. I think that good teachers can make learning something that is life-giving and inspiring. I remember teachers like that. But right now I’m still at the “just keep total chaos from breaking out and get through the material” stage. J

I also feel like I’d enjoy it more if I felt more prepared, and I had more tools under my belt. I’m amazed at all the little games that Carrie, one of my coworkers, busts out. She has a game for everything! And the kids love them. The problem is, I don’t know many games. Hangman. I can do that! Where do you learn those though??! Do teachers just have a knack for knowing a bazillion children’s games? The kiddos are teaching me some of their favorites, and I’m picking some up from other teachers. But, games aside, I feel that I’m learning more about myself…the good, bad and the ugly. I realize that I can get way too worried and down and overwhelmed and perfectionistic. Especially when you get little to no feedback..and I think that happens a lot in teaching. So, I’ve been praying that I’d keep learning how to do this whole teaching thing. And living in another country by myself thing. And how to trust in God, who has empowered us to do more than we can imagine. Even when we’re unsure. Especially when we’re unsure.

More than anything, my heart goes out to these kids. They are on summer vacation right now, yet still have incredibly packed days, going from one hogwan to the next, to English camp, to tae-kwon-do, piano. It goes on. One kid was falling asleep today in my class. And I called him out on it a couple of times, but just felt like I was doing a bad job of teaching. After class he told me that he woke up at 6 am this morning and had had a really long day. Poor guy. So, although discouraging for me at times, I’m reminded that these kids have a LOT on their plates. And English is just one more thing, for many of them. They’d probably much rather be off playing in the dirt and roaming their neighborhood with pals. Also, these kids are under serious pressure. So, although some days its hard, I am excited to learn more about this country and the people here. To learn about teaching. To learn more about who I am, what I’m good at, what I’m terrible at, what gets me excited, what I feel passionate about, etc. And mostly excited to learn more about my role in helping bring about God’s kingdom…err…shalom (thank you Calvin College for permanently engraving this word into me). I’m more and more overwhelmed that God wants us…me… to take part in the process of healing, redeeming and bringing life and justice. I am every bit the same as the rest of creation…broken, twisted, hurting, sinful and desperately in need of God’s grace and renewal. His mercies are new every morning. Thankyou Lord.