radiant.

radiant. have you met someone who is truly radiant?

i have. these people seem other-wordly. because they are. they have been shaken, stripped down, healed, broken, humbled, and set free by Love. and that makes them radiant.

those who have been touched, truly touched by Love himself can't help but be changed.

i want to let His love infuse every part of me, and make me RADIANT.

thank you Lord that I am enough, right now. That you love me first, and the love i have for you is SOooo teensy tiny and ridiculously inadequate but you accept it and it is sweet to you. even though I have nothing to give, you love me, in a way that NO one else can. wow.

people who are in love glow.

are you in love with God? because He's so deeply in love with you.

He glows over you.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

thinking about prayer. feeling a bit distant. feeling a bit foggy. i need to be brought back to Him, to what is true, to what is real, to my only source of Life.

John 15:7

"If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, you shall ask what you will and it shall be done unto you."

James 5:16

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective"

here are some excerpts from The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer-- by Andrew Murray. loving it (thanks Jessica Lipe!!!)

"the one great work the vinedresser has to do for the branch every year is prune it. other plans can for a time dispense with it and still bear fruit; the vine must have it.

what does the vinedresser cut away with his pruning knife? he cuts the wood that the branch has produced--true, honest wood with the true vine nature in it. why must this be cut away? because it draws away from the strength and life of the vine and hinders the flow of the juice to the grape. the wood of the vine must decrease, that the fruit of the vine may increase. in obedience to the law of all nature, that death is the way to life, that gain comes through sacrifice, the rich and luxuriant growth of the wood must be cut off and cast away that the more abundant life may be seen in the cluster.

in the same way, child of God, branch of the Heavenly Vine, there is in you that which appears perfectly innocent and legitimate but which saps away your interest and strength. it must be pruned and cleansed.

it is only as our own will, our strength, our effort, our pleasure, are cut down--even where these appear perfectly natural and sinless--that the whole energies of our being are free and open to recieve the sap of the Heavenly Vine, the Holy Spirit. then we shall bear much fruit.

cast yourself upon God to do in you what is impossible to man. count upon a divine cleansing to cut down and take away all that self-confidence and self-effort that has been the cause of your failure. the God who gave you His beloved Son to be your Vine, who made you His branch, will He not do his work to make you fruitful in every good work, in the work of prayer and intercession too?

here is the life that can pray: a branch entirely given up to the Vine and its aims...a branch that is abiding in Christ and trusting and yielding to God for his cleansing, can bear much fruit."

so solid, right? this is so bizarre and backwards to what the world says we should pursue. it says we can be our own gods...and it is certainly easier sometimes. but thankfully, God is constantly bringing me back to Him. i am so quick to forget him. to wander. but then he reminds me that the things that are pulling me from him, that seem more fulfilling, more tangible, more real, are like dull, pale and grey shadows when compared to Himself and his radiant light.

have your way, Lord.

we are a royal priesthood. do we really believe this?

excerpts from Oswald Chambers i read today:

"The continual grubbing on the inside to see whether we are what we ought to be generates a self-centered, morbid type of Christianity, not the robust, simple life of the child of God. launch out in reckless belief that the Redemption is complete, and then bother no more about yourself, but begin to do as Jesus Christ said--pray for the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints, pray for all men. pray on the realization that you are only perfect in Christ Jesus, not on this plea--"O Lord, I have done my best, please hear me." how long is it going to take God to free us from the morbid habit of thinking about ourselves? we must get sick unto death of ourselves, until there is no longer any surprise at anything God can tell us about ourselves. We cannot touch the depths of meanness in ourselves. there is only one place where we are right, and that is in Christ Jesus. When we are there, then we have to pour out for all we are worth in this ministry of the interior."

i think he's onto something. when we really begin praying fervently and often, we start desiring what God desires. and if we can rest in the fact that he has already done it all and we just need to trust and rest as his children, then new life no longer seems a burden and all that space is freed up to pray and overflow into others!!!

God gives gifts to those he loves!

i have always looked at those Christians who seem to be constantly getting gifts from the Spirit and felt a bit gyped. i want to hear God's voice, audibly like some people do. i want to speak in a private, intimate language with Him that no one else can understand. i want to prophesy, and speak God's words to encourage and challenge others in really specific ways. i want to see people healed and be healed. i want to see the Spirit come with power in my life and in this world! the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me! so i want my life to be marked and covered with his Power. why don't i experience these gifts regularly in my relationship with God? not only do i feel gyped and a bit inadequate, i feel like if all christians had these gifts, people would be flocking to Him like crazy! there would be a revival! so, why not God? why are some churches missing these? why do so many christians not receive these gifts?

i have been thinking about this lately. longing for intimacy with God. longing to see the Spirit work evidently and powerfully in and through me.

so here's what God showed me. he already is. his spirit is in me, and has changed me. i can rest in this truth, because I am his child. he answered me, he met me in a very real way, and he once again, showed me that he doesn't always work in ways that we want him to, or expect him too. last night as i was thinking about this, i wound up in 1 corinthians chapters 12, 13 and 14. here are some verses that totally hit me!

12:4 " there are different kinds of gifts, but the same Lord"

12:7 "now to each one, a manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. to one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to anothe faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophesy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. all these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines."

and after a bunch of talk in chapter 12 about how we are a body, made up of different parts with different functions, but all having the same Spirit, it goes on to say that we should eagerly desire the greater gifts. and in chapter 13:1 it says "and now i will show you the most excellent way." followed by an awesome description of LOVE.

so that's what God showed me. his gifts are just that. gifts to us. because He loves us sooo deeply. the purpose of these gifts then, is to show us his Love and to make him known. so, then, our motive shouldn't be to have the gifts, but to make him known to everyone, because He's so good and to trust that he will equip and empower us to do this. and the greatest gift of all was himself. the truest expression of love...laying down His life for us though we were and continue to be SO undeserving.

his love is so sweet. it is so deep. it stretches to every corner of our beings. and because it is so good and so pure, it completely changes us when we believe and receive it. So God told me...don't worry about all those gifts. you are mine. and i will give you exactly what you need, when you need it. for now, know that you are mine, and you are deeply loved. my love is in YOU. that is enough. and when it is in you, you can't help but bubble and gush and spill it out wherever you go.

these is good jams.

Amos Lee: Windows Are Rolled Down . new guy that my friends matt and kristin told me about! he is a mixture of a lotta sounds and styles. i like him!!!!

Rend Collective Experiment: Exalt awesome Irish band that sings songs that proclaim truth and sing about it joyfully and truthfully. they are creative, not lame, and OUT-LOUD Christians. i love that.

Jeff Pianki: Hello Bones. kinda have a big crush on this kid. :) he is from michigan and just really endearing and has so many great songs that are just perfect for a mellow eve at home with a book. :)

enjoy!!^^

Rain.

i fell asleep to the sound of rain. falling consistently, rythmically. the consistency is comforting. there is something so peaceful and wonderful about the sound of rain.

i love the way rain smells. always a bit different, depending on where it is falling. it changes the air. the way it smells. the way it feels. the thickness. the temperature. when rain comes, it alters all that it touches. it turns everything just a bit brighter shade of green and lifts the heads of droopy, thirsty plants. i love rain! our world is amazing because it was imagined by the most perfect, creative, loving, thoughtful, deep, vibrant, pure God who's life and Spirit marks all that He gave life to. all that we see. (Romans 1:20-21.."for since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse). i see traces of Him and sometimes i think to tell Him how he inspires me, but not always. i wanna be more mindful of Him always. when i see the intricate designs and deep colors of wildflowers. when i am touched by a soft, hopeful breeze that floats by. when i fall asleep to the heavy pounding and deep rumblings of a thunderstorm. i see traces of Him in all these things, but especially in the human life. our capacity for joy, love, relationships, pain. though anyone who watches the news or has has experienced life knows that amidst all of this beauty and goodness, there's a whole lot of brokenness, destruction and suffering. how could a truly good and loving God really be behind this, allowing all this to go on. and writing fluffy blogs about the beauty and serenity of rain may not convince those skeptics. i understand. there are a lot of mysteries about the way that God works- a very big one being that He is love, but this world is often everything that opposes love. but i do know that the fact that we have a desire for something better, a discontentment with our world's state is such evidence that we were made for something different. that there is something placed in each of us which cries out for more. for Him.

another, more shallow thing i love and appreciate about rain is how there are so many different kinds of rain. it has different personalities. this rain that i felt asleep to was cold and strong. it reminded me of the rain in my hometown in Peru, nestled 10,000 feet up in the Andes. during rainy season, we would get these rains every day in the afternoon. often times it would be at its peak during our walk home from school. it was exhilarating to walk home on the muddy, dirt roads while chilly rain pounded down on my umbrella. sometimes we would put on our rain gear and go out and play in the puddles and small, rushing rivers that would form in the dirt road outside our house. the peruvians thought we were a bit (maybe a lot) crazy, going out into the rain intentionally.

jungle rains were my favorite though. they were INCREDIBLE! the jungle (as we called it), or the peruvian amazon was one of my all time favorite places in the world, i think. we went once a year for our mission meetings and we'd stay on our mission base. we'd stay for a glorious two weeks, running around barefoot on the red clay paths, sitting in the shade of mango trees, encountering all kinds of plants and animals we didn't even know existed, and swimming light-heartedly in the pirhana-inhabited river (a branch off of the amazon). i think i'd still do it, though i'd probably have a lot more anxst in the process. :) i loved everything about it, especially the rain. when it rained... it would come in such powerful, terrential down poors. the jungle was hot and the air was thick and heavy. so the rains were warm, and tropical. perfect playing-in-the-rain conditions! all the red clay would turn into soft, sludgy mud, which just begged to be slid in, and slide we did. i hope to experience jungle rains again someday!

i love that God wants to know us so badly. that he is a God of life, of intimacy and relationship and even of the drops of dew (job 38:28)

family meets korea!

i spent this easter weekend with my aunt and uncle and two of my cousins. they came to visit my cousin who is living and teaching English in Busan. so i spent the weekend in Busan with them! so wonderful! it was a bit surreal being in korea with all of them. we had a delightful time, laughing, lounging, snacking on all the goodies they brought us from America, and introducing them to all the wonders of Korea! they had a very "Korean" first day, including a temple visit complete with lots of photos, and a sam gyeop sal dinner. we went to a jim jil bang on their second day that was DIVINE! i've been to a few, but this jim jil bang tops all the rest of them by far!!! seriously!!! it's the one at the world's biggest department store in busan. i could have spent all day in there. it has a really big sunroof type thing covering the main lounging area, and a million different places to lay down, nap, lounge, read. it is really aesthetically designed...lots of greenery, awesome outdoor footbaths with rocks to massage your feet as you walk, an outdoor spa (only for the women) and saunas of all different temperatures with supposed different health benefits. :) they even have a movie theater! they quite enjoyed their first jim jil bang experience and were not intimidated by the nakedness!!!

they also observed early on that koreans tend to wear gloves a lot. so throughout the weekend we decided to kind of keep track of all the different kind of gloves we saw. we found that koreans have gloves for any and every sort of activity. here are some of the ones we observed: chesnut roasting gloves, exercise gloves, motorcycle delivery gloves, parking lot attendant gloves, cash register gloves, and many more i'm sure that are slipping my memory. we also went to a really pretty beach and went for a walk up a hill to a pagoda overlooking the ocean. and in korea, where there's a hill or park, there's outdoor workout equipment. it was a wonderful weekend. here's a video of them discovering korean workout equipment on this hilltop.^^

big decisions.

i'm still alive.

my name is still carly miller.

i still live in korea.

i'm a terrible blogger. :)

anyways, i truly am sorry for not keeping up this blog better. i just wanted to write a quick update on life over here. i have been here over eight months now! it has been a great eight months. i'm so glad i came, to this strange country so far from my home, wherever that is. :) those of you who know me know that i am a bit confused in respects to this matter.

i didn't know what i was getting myself into when i came. i knew i needed money and wanted to travel. so i ended up here. at times, it has been uncomfortable. it has been lonely. it has been discouraging. it has provided me with opportunities to make plenty of blunders and mishaps (buses to wrong locations, strange hair dye jobs, etc.). it has been filled with delightful people who i've come to care for deeply. it has been SO MUCH FUN. it has been such a gift, financially. it has been full of awesome, God moments. it has been full of learning. it has been full of strange smells. it has been full of yummy, korean spicy food. it has been full of kids! it has been full. i am thankful.

eight months in, and i'm still really excited to be here.

seeing cute little socks on my middle school boys.

hearing "teacher-i-love-you's" from my students (only in korea).

seeing firsthand that kindergarteners are not always the sweet little thangs i thought they would be.

feeling deep love and connection with people i just met a few months ago.

finding a church that feels more like home than a church has felt in years.

having short, broken, silly conversations with taxi drivers in my terrible Korean.

these are things I have come to love about this place and my experience here.

i am realizing that i am far from being the person i want to be, but that i am right where i need to be. doing life with God. as we walk together, i stumble. i wander. i go too fast and wear myself out. i forget He is there. i look at my feet instead of looking at the breathe-taking scenery around me. i look at him. we have beautiful talks. he shows me things. i have moments of realization.i cling to him. i feel the stillness and security of being with a close friend. and each moment, He stays next to me. never leaving. i am so confident He has been with me and continues to walk next to me, as i stumble along and find my way, here in korea.

and so, i’ve decided to stay another year. :) i prayed and thought and journaled and talked a lot with friends and people i love. i feel this is a good place for me now. it’s a bit scary to commit to another year. a year feels so long. but, i’m trusting in Him, and choosing not to worry. He has already proven himself faithful. and the scariest part is over…i’m already here. so start saving up so you can come see me!!