Rain.

i fell asleep to the sound of rain. falling consistently, rythmically. the consistency is comforting. there is something so peaceful and wonderful about the sound of rain.

i love the way rain smells. always a bit different, depending on where it is falling. it changes the air. the way it smells. the way it feels. the thickness. the temperature. when rain comes, it alters all that it touches. it turns everything just a bit brighter shade of green and lifts the heads of droopy, thirsty plants. i love rain! our world is amazing because it was imagined by the most perfect, creative, loving, thoughtful, deep, vibrant, pure God who's life and Spirit marks all that He gave life to. all that we see. (Romans 1:20-21.."for since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse). i see traces of Him and sometimes i think to tell Him how he inspires me, but not always. i wanna be more mindful of Him always. when i see the intricate designs and deep colors of wildflowers. when i am touched by a soft, hopeful breeze that floats by. when i fall asleep to the heavy pounding and deep rumblings of a thunderstorm. i see traces of Him in all these things, but especially in the human life. our capacity for joy, love, relationships, pain. though anyone who watches the news or has has experienced life knows that amidst all of this beauty and goodness, there's a whole lot of brokenness, destruction and suffering. how could a truly good and loving God really be behind this, allowing all this to go on. and writing fluffy blogs about the beauty and serenity of rain may not convince those skeptics. i understand. there are a lot of mysteries about the way that God works- a very big one being that He is love, but this world is often everything that opposes love. but i do know that the fact that we have a desire for something better, a discontentment with our world's state is such evidence that we were made for something different. that there is something placed in each of us which cries out for more. for Him.

another, more shallow thing i love and appreciate about rain is how there are so many different kinds of rain. it has different personalities. this rain that i felt asleep to was cold and strong. it reminded me of the rain in my hometown in Peru, nestled 10,000 feet up in the Andes. during rainy season, we would get these rains every day in the afternoon. often times it would be at its peak during our walk home from school. it was exhilarating to walk home on the muddy, dirt roads while chilly rain pounded down on my umbrella. sometimes we would put on our rain gear and go out and play in the puddles and small, rushing rivers that would form in the dirt road outside our house. the peruvians thought we were a bit (maybe a lot) crazy, going out into the rain intentionally.

jungle rains were my favorite though. they were INCREDIBLE! the jungle (as we called it), or the peruvian amazon was one of my all time favorite places in the world, i think. we went once a year for our mission meetings and we'd stay on our mission base. we'd stay for a glorious two weeks, running around barefoot on the red clay paths, sitting in the shade of mango trees, encountering all kinds of plants and animals we didn't even know existed, and swimming light-heartedly in the pirhana-inhabited river (a branch off of the amazon). i think i'd still do it, though i'd probably have a lot more anxst in the process. :) i loved everything about it, especially the rain. when it rained... it would come in such powerful, terrential down poors. the jungle was hot and the air was thick and heavy. so the rains were warm, and tropical. perfect playing-in-the-rain conditions! all the red clay would turn into soft, sludgy mud, which just begged to be slid in, and slide we did. i hope to experience jungle rains again someday!

i love that God wants to know us so badly. that he is a God of life, of intimacy and relationship and even of the drops of dew (job 38:28)

family meets korea!

i spent this easter weekend with my aunt and uncle and two of my cousins. they came to visit my cousin who is living and teaching English in Busan. so i spent the weekend in Busan with them! so wonderful! it was a bit surreal being in korea with all of them. we had a delightful time, laughing, lounging, snacking on all the goodies they brought us from America, and introducing them to all the wonders of Korea! they had a very "Korean" first day, including a temple visit complete with lots of photos, and a sam gyeop sal dinner. we went to a jim jil bang on their second day that was DIVINE! i've been to a few, but this jim jil bang tops all the rest of them by far!!! seriously!!! it's the one at the world's biggest department store in busan. i could have spent all day in there. it has a really big sunroof type thing covering the main lounging area, and a million different places to lay down, nap, lounge, read. it is really aesthetically designed...lots of greenery, awesome outdoor footbaths with rocks to massage your feet as you walk, an outdoor spa (only for the women) and saunas of all different temperatures with supposed different health benefits. :) they even have a movie theater! they quite enjoyed their first jim jil bang experience and were not intimidated by the nakedness!!!

they also observed early on that koreans tend to wear gloves a lot. so throughout the weekend we decided to kind of keep track of all the different kind of gloves we saw. we found that koreans have gloves for any and every sort of activity. here are some of the ones we observed: chesnut roasting gloves, exercise gloves, motorcycle delivery gloves, parking lot attendant gloves, cash register gloves, and many more i'm sure that are slipping my memory. we also went to a really pretty beach and went for a walk up a hill to a pagoda overlooking the ocean. and in korea, where there's a hill or park, there's outdoor workout equipment. it was a wonderful weekend. here's a video of them discovering korean workout equipment on this hilltop.^^

big decisions.

i'm still alive.

my name is still carly miller.

i still live in korea.

i'm a terrible blogger. :)

anyways, i truly am sorry for not keeping up this blog better. i just wanted to write a quick update on life over here. i have been here over eight months now! it has been a great eight months. i'm so glad i came, to this strange country so far from my home, wherever that is. :) those of you who know me know that i am a bit confused in respects to this matter.

i didn't know what i was getting myself into when i came. i knew i needed money and wanted to travel. so i ended up here. at times, it has been uncomfortable. it has been lonely. it has been discouraging. it has provided me with opportunities to make plenty of blunders and mishaps (buses to wrong locations, strange hair dye jobs, etc.). it has been filled with delightful people who i've come to care for deeply. it has been SO MUCH FUN. it has been such a gift, financially. it has been full of awesome, God moments. it has been full of learning. it has been full of strange smells. it has been full of yummy, korean spicy food. it has been full of kids! it has been full. i am thankful.

eight months in, and i'm still really excited to be here.

seeing cute little socks on my middle school boys.

hearing "teacher-i-love-you's" from my students (only in korea).

seeing firsthand that kindergarteners are not always the sweet little thangs i thought they would be.

feeling deep love and connection with people i just met a few months ago.

finding a church that feels more like home than a church has felt in years.

having short, broken, silly conversations with taxi drivers in my terrible Korean.

these are things I have come to love about this place and my experience here.

i am realizing that i am far from being the person i want to be, but that i am right where i need to be. doing life with God. as we walk together, i stumble. i wander. i go too fast and wear myself out. i forget He is there. i look at my feet instead of looking at the breathe-taking scenery around me. i look at him. we have beautiful talks. he shows me things. i have moments of realization.i cling to him. i feel the stillness and security of being with a close friend. and each moment, He stays next to me. never leaving. i am so confident He has been with me and continues to walk next to me, as i stumble along and find my way, here in korea.

and so, i’ve decided to stay another year. :) i prayed and thought and journaled and talked a lot with friends and people i love. i feel this is a good place for me now. it’s a bit scary to commit to another year. a year feels so long. but, i’m trusting in Him, and choosing not to worry. He has already proven himself faithful. and the scariest part is over…i’m already here. so start saving up so you can come see me!!

some of my favorite girls.

Some of my girls were trying to teach me the dance to Miss A's "Good Girl, Bad Girl"-- a really popular song in this part of the world. Instead, there's just a whole lot of squealing and screaming. I just love them. :)

a dream.

So, I know we've all heard MLK's "I have a dream," but I stumbled across it and listened to it again and I was so inspired. It is so life-giving. So here it is. Listen to it again!

"I Have a Dream"

I've never really thought of it as a prayer before. But this time I did. That is exactly what prayer is, crying out with passion, with zeal, with hope. His prayer may have been before the whole country, but a prayer nonetheless.

It's so beautiful and courageous.

So full of truth and Love. Love that disarms and sheds light on the darkness.

Love that empowers us to stand when our legs tremble.

Love that pursues righteousness, freedom, and life.

Love that seeks to expose injustice and oppression.

Love that quenches parched lips and weary souls.

Love that heals.

Love that compells us to hope against all odds.

And to think, that the source of this Love is my Father, my Lord who gave it all for me. It helps put things in perspective for me, as I find myself worrying/thinking a lot about the future. I have been thinking about prayer lately, and how all too often my prayers are ramblings said in a half-conscious state at the end of the day, when all I can think of is SLEEP. I don't want to pray these kinds of prayers. I want to cry out- always wanting more of Him. I don't want to play it cool when things aren't as they should be. So, I'm trying to pray at times in the day when I'm more alert, for starters. And the more I'm praying, the more I'm seeing that prayer really does change me. So, for me, watching this again was like listening to a beautiful prayer. It gives me hope and excitement, knowing that I am a part of the same movement that this amazing man was a part of...Jesus' movement here on earth to restore and redeem all things.

"No, No, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."

the list goes on...

some more things that only happen in korea. :)

1. everything has some sort of health benefit or health detriment, according to Koreans. everything.

2. girls wear high heels all the time here.

3. ajuma's (old ladies) can be quite aggressive! I've been pushed and pulled by them..especially if i'm kind of in the way. Also, when people run into you here, its not followed by an "excuse me". Its not really considered rude here...

4. masks. People wear masks a lot here. Especially ajumas ( i love this word..) Some look like the masks people were wearing during the swine flu scare...others have more face coverage, and look more intense. Its funny to see people wearing them everday...

5. my students all wear cutesy, super colorful socks with strange images on them (even my middle school boys). From obama socks to hello kitty ones...theres a lot to chose from!

6. "Have you eaten" or "did you eat lunch" are frequently asked questions. It seemed strange to me at first...like, the answer was pretty much a given. Yeah..I did eat today :) My director told me that this stems from Korea's very recent emergence from poverty/being a developing country. Back when it was poorer, asking whether somebody had eaten expressed a lot of concern for how they were doing. Also, older people ask this more than younger people...which makes sense. There seems to be a pretty big generation gap here between this generation and the ones before, because life has changed so ridiculously fast here.

7. you can buy fried chicken and coke in a nifty all-in-one cup. The chicken is in a little bucket thingy that inserts into the cup and the coke is underneath. :) We were excited when we discovered this nifty snack.

8. patients from the hospitals roam around freely outside the hospital. Complete with hospital gowns and i.v.'s, they hang out and walk around, sit, smoke, and people watch in the area surrounding the hospital. Near my house there's a hospital along the main road, and it is still strange to see them all chilling on the side of the street

9. they make octopus bread here. I have yet to try it. Don't think I will. I have heard from friends though, that there are actual chunks of octopus in the bread. Yummm ;)

10. People give gifts all the time...especially food gifts. I get random things all the time from my coworkers, bosses, fruit vendors, and parents of my students. I've gotten are apples, tea bags, soap, toothpaste, coffee, rice cakes, pizza, grapes, sweet potato, chesnuts...to name a few. So nice.

11. man-purses. They're everywhere here.

12. great coffee shops in abundance here. Even though instant, sugary coffee is pretty much all you find at the stores (you can buy regular coffee but its quite pricey and the selection is really small!), there are great coffee shops all over the place. Oh, it is bliss. Lots of mom and pop places too...

13. couple-wear. Couples dress matching. A lot. They even sell matching underwear sets. And you see lots of couples who are dressed almost completely alike...I couldn't do it. :)

14. korean women usually cover their mouths when they laugh...

15. almost 50% of korean women have had plastic surgery and almost 90% want to have something done (don't quote me on the stats...but this is what i read somewhere). sad!

16. badmitton is a really popular here. I see kids playing it at parks and on sidewalks...

17. there's outdoor workout equipment in most of the parks here...no need to go to the gym! I've people do some really strange exercises...usually the ajumas.

13. a lot of high school kids stay in school till 9 or 10 at night...crazy. I walk by them on my way home from work as they are just getting out of all their extra after-school classes.

14. lots of people are out and about late. Its fun. People are always eating in restaurants until late. Lots of night owls here, it seems!

16. "Dong shim." Literally translated, this means "poop needle." This is when you poke someone in the butt with your pointer fingers. and YES, my students have tried to do this to me. Its so bizarre and slightly terrifying knowing that they might do this at any minute...they think its hilarious.

17. they don't eat much meat here, at all. The meat they do eat is AMAZING. But, the average person eats it like once a week. Less meat, more veggies. Us Americans eat far too much meat...I think it'd be better for all parties involved if we ate it more sparingly. And they have so many veggies and side dishes in every meal. I enjoy all the veggies lots.

So, just some more things that puzzle, confuse, amuse, betwix and even sometimes annoy. But, its things like these that make living here quite an adventure.

These last couple weeks I've been missing home more. Being sick had something to do with it, i think. I had a pretty gnarly cold. It just sucks being sick when your alone, and don't have your family or friends near. The routine of my day to day life, especially during the week, has started to seem more dry lately. And a bit lonely...work, home, work, home. Weekends are great- lots of fun. I see lots of people, travel, go to church, etc. so I always feel refreshed after weekends. Initially I really liked the alone time that living alone gave me. And I still do to an extent..but, I'm realizing that I can only have so much time without people around. I miss my roomies. I miss being able to debrief at the end of each day, and talk about our days...what happened. What made us happy. What challenged us. What amused us. What made us sad. Cooking together. Bedtime prayers. And wrestling. And munching. And just doing life- regular, day to day life with people that you love. Nami, Kate, Chels- roomies, I think of you often :) So...too much time alone and I start feeling antsy and a little out of wack. Which is kinda how I've been feeling recently. It's not that I don't have friends (I do, I dooo!), just that its hard to see people during the week. This next weekend we have a church retreat coming up, so I'm excited to get away and just be with others to fellowship and worship God. Should be grand. Anyways, that's all for now, I think. much love. xoxo

chuseok. mountains. banana bread. a few things that have blessed and baffled me lately.

So it has been over a month since I last wrote. I fear that any faithful followers I may have had at one point, have probably abandoned whatever remaining allegiance to my blog they had left...due to inactivity. Sorry for being so inactive and absent lately. Needless to say, much has happened in the last month. So, I'll do my best to write about some of the most interesting and important things that have happened. :)

I arrived here July 4. So tomorrow is the three month anniversary of "Carly moves to Korea day" for me!! Its starting to hit me that time is just zooming past me...seems like the weeks have flown by. Almost too quickly. I've already done 1/4 of my year contract. This is both exciting and sad for me. Exciting because its feeling more and more like home and its nice not to be the new girl anymore. :) Sad because I quite like it here, and the thought of it finishing too quickly is unwanted. Also, its hard thinking about next year, because I have no idea what's next for me. No idea. Whenever life is great, I have this sense of wanting to hold onto it...to clench my fists and not let go. To slow down time and somehow control it. To try to draw out the good moments...to make them last. The quick passing of time reminds me of our immortality. And how each moment can only happen once. Each experience is temporary. And our spectrum of control in life is so small, despite our illusions that we have so much, if not, complete control. Time is just one of those things that brings me back to the wonderful reality that God is the source and sustainer of all that is. My Jesus is all, and I am nothing. I've been reminded of this so much lately, in different ways.

Whew. Sorry. I find myself ranting more than even I'm used to on this blog. :) But, it just bubbles out of me, and I have no idea if it makes sense written down, like it does in my head. I feel like this blog has been a good outlet for me, to share some of the ways that God has been good to me, since being here. He's answered prayers. Significant prayers. Ask me about it sometime and I'll give you more specifics! And He's given me so many opportunities that have been challenging and faith-growing, in unexpected ways. Recently, I found myself in one of these situations, when I sat by a canadian guy on the bus. Conversation turned from the usual things that are talked about when you meet another foreigner..." where do you teach? how long have you been here? etc." to faith and religion. He told me some of his thoughts about religion (some of them quite bizarre and disturbing). He also told me that he'd read the Bible three times. Umm, wow. I was floored. And wondered, "what would possess someone who doesn't believe that the Bible God's revelation to us to read it from over to cover?" I had been convicted pretty strongly, not too long before this conversation, about how reluctant I am to talk about my faith with others who have conflicting or different views. And how unprepared I often feel to express well why I hope in Jesus and the richness and color that knowing Him has added to my life. And, I felt pretty inadequate in this conversation...like all the words that came out were empty and unconvincing. I thought, Holy Spirit, "why don't you come through in those kinds of situations, when I really need you, and make Yourself sound good? I'm not doing a very good job of convincing" And afterwards, God showed me a few things. And totally answered my prayers. First of all, although disciplines, like reading the Bible completely, aren't necessary in our faith, they can help our witness. Also, he brought me back to the truth that walking with Him is all or nothing. Maybe I struggle because I don't practice talking about him. Maybe I struggle talking about Jesus because I'm clinging to my own desires and not clinging closely enough to him. Maybe I don't talk about Him because I'm not as close and intimate with Him as I would like to be. Maybe I struggle because I squelch the Spirits soft prods and nudges. Not that reading the Bible three times in any way brings one closer to God. Reading it will do you no good if the Holy Spirit isn't at work within you. But, I do have the Spirit in me. And I haven't read it. Not all of it. I thought a lot about that talk after the fact, and decided that this year I'm going to read the Bible. So, that is my current mission. I just finished week one of a "read-the-Bible-in-a-year" plan. And I'm pumped. Im already learning new things. I am really excited to be diving into the Bible. And mostly, excited to learn more about God. I love John 17:3. It says, "Now this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." I'm excited to know Him more. We'll see how I feel once I start Leviticus. :)

Ok...moving on. So, mountains. Last week was Korean thanksgiving, which is called Chuseok. It is a really big holiday here. It consists of many of the same things as our thanksgiving holiday (minus football of course). They eat lots of food, travel long distances to be with family, etc. Chuseok originally began as a celebration of thanksgiving for the harvest. I'd say the most significant difference is that they practice ancestor worship on theres. It was strange to have so many students tell me that what they did for Chuseok was bow down to their ancestors. Its not a wierd or taboo thing here at all. I've heard that the older generations are much more into ancestor worship than the younger generations, but they still take part in it. Respect for elders and for family ties is so engrained in the culture and in the way that people think. I really respect this part of the culture. Its challenging to know how to respond to things like this. I think the best thing to do is pray. At least, thats a good place to start. Its interesting because it seems to be a much more spiritual culture (in that most people believe in a spiritual realm) than western cultures...but, it seems like a lot of people aren't really devout. Like Buddhism and ancestor worship tend to be more cultural than spiritual practices. Maybe. Just the way it seems to me. So it was interesting experiencing that. For the holiday, I went up to the northern part of Korea fairly close to the North Korean border. There's a national park up there that we heard was beautiful and there is a great hiking mountain on it. So, I went with a few friends for three days. We did a very long, steep hike that made our legs shake and our sweat glands come alive, but it was worth every bit! It was absolutely gorgeous. Reminded me a bit of Yosemite in CA, but was very unique and different from anything i've ever seen. There were some temples along the way (most mountains are covered with a plethora of buddhist temples)...and some shelters that you could stay in along the way. We tried to make it to the highest peak, which was only about 10 km...but we decided against it at the second highest peak, when we were just 1.5 km away. We knew we wouldn't be back by dark, and the hike was steep and slippery due to the misty, drizzly weather. It was steeper than we thought...a lot steeper! People thought we were crazy for trying to do it all in one day...apparently most people do the shelter thing when going all the way to the top. They also thought we were crazy, I'm sure, because we didn't have any of the right gear: hiking poles, hiking boots, visors, color coordinating jackets, pants and backpacks...etc. Koreans love their gear. But, we were glad we did it. :) Great to be with friends and get away. Great to see more of korea...which has so many beautiful places.

So, that was Chuseok. Lovely. Now for the banana bread. I have been missing baking and the eating of the baked goods, since being here. Since I am without an oven here, I decided to be creative and try the steaming method. I had heard from some other foreigners how to bake using a steamer on the stovetop, and so it wasn't really all that creative of me. I was just following in others' footsteps. I got a banana bread recipe from them, and it turned out scrumptious. It was even more moist than it is oven-style. It didn't taste quite right (due to differences in ingredients, like no vanilla, and funky butter i think)...but it still hit the spot. I ate most of it in less than two days. I also brought some to school, and shared the wonder of banana bread with my coworkers:) So, I am happy that I have now figured out how to steam things...and am excited to try more "baked" treats. Off to bed. Hope to write soon again. Much love.